I'm not the type to complain about situations that can be fixed or changed in anyway, but I've been feeling really ugly on the inside and out. I kinda realized this weeks ago at Brooke's graduation barbeque....
It's a great thing to know that you have friends and people in your life who love you for the way you are. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with happiness just knowing that. So at the bbq, Brooke told me outta no where really, not being inclined to say it or anything, that her friend (ugh I wish I can remember her name! Jasmine was it?...) said that I was really pretty. And hindsight now I don't remember being so flippin estatic that another person thought I was pretty. Especially meeting me for the first time. I think on the inside I must have gone beserk with happiness and appreciation. I still go beserk thinking about it. Now I have to explain that Brooke's friend was really pretty herself! Infact gorgeous. She was light-skinned, had chinky eyes ( definately mixed now that I think about it) and she was stylish. Now before you guys start thinking Im homo Im not. I just thought she was a pretty girl. So for her to say this to...regular me I was kinda taken back for a second.
Alright Antoinette so whats the point? Is that what your saying? The point is that I shouldnt go beserk when someone says Im pretty. I should already know it. Of course I think Im pretty. Hell Im drop dead gorgeous and just sexy-fly in my book. When I look in the mirror I feel great but when I see pictures of myself I feel somewhat disguisted. Sometimes I wish I could have an out of body experience to see myself and look at myself as another person to see if what I see in the mirror is a lie to what I really look like to other people.
Im not happy with myself. And ya know like I said Im not the type to complain and not do anything about it. Weight has always been a problem with me. I remember people saying to me when I was younger if I was pregnant and all through middle school I was teased. Stuff like that doesnt faze me but yet sometimes I feel ugly! I've gone to "fat camps" (yeah you guys saw that MTV series? I WAS THERE AT THAT CAMP FOR 3 SUMMERS!..they filmed the year I didnt go) I've played Lacrosse for 4 years (ladies we all know I can run!) I've seen a nutritionist, been on weight watchers, seen endocrinologists, cardiologists, etc. They all tell me if I go any deeper into this basically Im gonna die. yay *super sarcasm*.
So now what...Im going away to college where Im gonna be working my ass off on the big ass hilly campus! yay *non sarcasm* and I'll be in the gym 4 times a week *homework permitting*. I just wish I wasn't in this alone. I wish I had someone there to guide me but being basically the largest person I know in both family and friend circles its a lonely battle. Now I don't want you guys to comment like "just go outside and run, eat good, yada yaaa". Anyone who knows me (especially Ashley Douglas! knows Im the PICKIEST eater on earth and she has a hard time eating at my house with all the low fat, no calorie, no sugar, low sodium stuff lol). I just need guidance...and maybe a trainer lol.
//Edit. Okay its been one day since I made this post. In retrospect I think I was complaining a bit despite the fact I said I wasn't. I think I was looking for someone to take ownership of this problem along with me when really the solution to the problem lies in my own hands and my hands alone. yurp.
WHY IS EVERYBODY HATIN ON KANYE WEST!?!?!?
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Friday, July 18, 2008
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Yo. Why the hell is everyone hatin on my man, the one and only Kanye West?!! I don't get it. There has been a load of hateration floating around the net and I don't appreciate it. I would tell you why but I gotta go. Going to see Dark Knight tonight.
Wipeout : Ninja Warrior for American Idiots.
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Thursday, July 10, 2008
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When will Americans learn to leave shit alone?! We always gotta take shit and dumb it down and can't ever be original!
Yesterday I just happened to be turned to ABC and Wipeout came on. You know that new show where you watch people tackle an obstacle course and bust their asses on live TV at a chance to win 50k g's. Yeah Yeah that show!!! FUCKING HILARIOUS RIGHT?! HAHA HA HA HAHA HA....fuck no. I understand that the guy from Talk Soup and that other hack and the chick from the Mercury car commercial are supposed to be our little commentators and additional outlets of funny but lets face it, their corny. Now lets take a look at this "obstacle course". Its basically a big ass slip and slide course. If you've seen the show, tell me how the fuck do you expect people to be able to jump across big ass bouncy ass balls?? Huh?? They don't expect you to. Its basically there to watch people look like idiots on national tv for entertainment. or did American Idol do that? Nevertheless this show is basically Ninja Warrior for idiots.
I don't really appreciate and Im sure the makers of Ninja Warrior don't either. If any of you watch Sasuke (Ninja Warrior) G4TV you know that to be on the show it requires skill. It requires strength, endurance and overall just plain technique to make it through the stages. Wipeout requires basically 1/4th of brain power. Its kind of a shame. I wish someone would give me 50k g's to make a fool out of myself. Then maybe I can pay for college.
Well...Ain't This Some Ol' Bull Shit
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Friday, July 4, 2008
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*warning. this entry has alot of cursing and is basically a rant. you were warned.*
Incase your living under a rock. the greatest tech news to come out this week was that due to a court order Google has to turn over a shit load of information to Viacom. That shit load includes every single user IP address and name and the list of every video you have ever watched. So all of you people watching free episodes of Avatar (like me lol) or Real World, Mind of Mencia, Best Week Ever, College Hill or any Paramount movie, Viacom is gonna know. Yes even that video of the tranny midget impersonator (thanks AOTS) and the Chocolate Rain vid. PLUS they have the right to know every single video that has been on Yotube and has been taken off of Youtube regardless of the reason. Oh and don't think Google video isn't accountable either. Supposedly these stuck up "no-one-else-has-the-right-to-watch-my-shit-online" bitches only want it to create a study that proves the success of Youtube is due to illegally uploaded Viacom videos plus a pinch of "massive intentional copyright/ property infringement" seeking over 1 billion dollars in damages. MY THOUGHTS AND EVERYONE ELSES THOUGHTS IS THAT THOSE BITCHES AT VIACOM WANNA SURE YOUR ASS! So if your the one uploading the free episodes of Top Model (the MTV reruns anyway) your getting sued up the ass.
I mean come the fuck on!! YouTube isn't uploading the videos. Users are. YouTube basically leaves it up to us users to alert them about copyright infringement so they may take it down. But most of us are too busy watching to report it anyway.
To be honest. I think this is some bull shit. The internet is free space. No one owns it. Have those Via-cunt bitches ever heard of Net Neutrality!? (Google it. No seriously Google has a page on net neutrality.) Even though this isn't a net neutraility issue. Im still pissed off at this Via-cunt bitches.
They are going alittle too far beyond what is necessary. Do they really have to know my name. What if someone comes to my house and uploads a video on my Youtube acount of like...every episode of Real World ever! plus some movies. I didn't do it...but since their on my computer and logged into my account Viacom has the right to knock on my door like "HEY YOU UPLOADED THESE VIDEOS AND NOW WE'RE GONNA SUE YOU FOR ALL YOUR WORTH WHICH IS ABOUT 6.375 BILLION DOLLARS." Yeah iight bitches...
Well I guess Im done ranting about this. I would make a YouTube video about this but I don't wanna be sued up the ass for that either. So while the internet is still free for me to blog. Its on here. So I'm out. Im going to watch Avatar season 3 on Youtube while I still can.
No Money, Mo' Problems
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Tuesday, July 1, 2008
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Summer time and the livin is easyyy....hmmm I love the song. Too bad it isn't as true as it used to be. Summer time means gas prices are going up and money is getting harder to spread out. I still don't have a summer job and I've been searching and calling everywhere. I got hired at this place called Vector but I dont wanna talk about that. Still I coulda had 1000 right now. Anyway.
We started the loan process for school and I got turned down for the NJCLASS loan. Now I have to find out another way to get money for school. I just wish I can work!! I need that money to buy shit for my dorm and save up for books. I feel so stressed x_x. I don't wanna be stuck in the house all day. I want to work. But its not coming that easy to me.
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